His story: My wife is a very
woman. We have two kids now, one is a teenager. She was not always like this but ever since I got a promotion, she has become suffocatingly possessive. She does not even let me make plans with my colleagues or friends. My gang has women too and we have known each other since childhood. My wife yells at me and kind of gets hysterical when I mention my plans to her. Her behaviour is very confusing and humiliating. I don’t understand what is going on here because on confrontation she has no reasoning.
Her story: My husband is a handsome man in fact he seems to be reverse aging. Ever since he got promoted, his female friends have become more touchy and feely with him. And I am talking about his childhood friends. One of them had the cheek to tell me that I should be wary of all the female attention he is getting! I don’t like these women and I think if I tell my husband all this, he will get offended. Is there any other way to make him understand?
Expert advice by Vishal Bhardwaj, Founder of Predictions For Success:
It is normal to be possessive in a marriage, but when one overdoes it, it gets very difficult for the spouse and quite stressful in the relationship. As you mentioned your wife is a very possessive woman. And ever since you got a promotion, she has become more possessive. She doesn’t let you make any plans with your friends and even yells at you. I can understand your situation. You must be feeling suffocated and under control. You must first realise that her possessiveness may result from her deep love for you, her fear of losing you, and her low self-esteem. The best way to handle a possessive partner is to have a thorough conversation with them about the situation. In this manner, you could determine precisely what is going on inside her mind.
You would be able to learn more about the worries or insecurities that cause her to feel uneasy and cause her to act possessively. Additionally, while talking, let her know how you feel about the situation as a whole. Tell her outright how hurt you are by her actions and how awful you feel. Along with talking, there are a few other things you should do to ease her worried mind. Try to regain her trust and express your deep love for her.
Also, make sure you do not comment on any other woman. Whenever she shouts or creates a scene, you need to maintain your calm and not fight back. And once she has cooled down, you can talk about it peacefully. Making plans with your friends is fine, but you should also make plans with your wife to prevent her from feeling ignored. Discussed above are a few suggestions for you to deal with this situation. As an alternative, you may consult a professional counselor. A counsellor will hear both sides’ stories and provide a place for honest discussion so that you two can reach the best resolution possible.
In a marriage, care, and affection are important. However, there is a fine line between love and possessiveness. Everyone in a relationship needs to keep a watch to make sure they aren’t becoming too possessive. As you have mentioned that your husband is a handsome man and he is close to his female friends. And you do not like it when he makes plans to go out with his friends.
It is very obvious that you are not comfortable with this whole situation and you have developed a lot of insecurities. The first thing you need to understand is that communication is the key to a happy marriage. Never feel afraid or shy to talk about things with your husband. You have this thought that if you tell your husband that you do not like his female friends, he will be offended. So instead of talking things out, you have started showing your insecurities the other way. But you need to understand that this will only worsen the situation and will adversely affect your relationship. Find a suitable time and situation to speak with your husband. Clearly express your feelings to him. Also, ask him to maintain transparency in marriage so that you can trust him more. Apart from this, you need to work on your self-esteem and confidence.
Start working on yourself; become involved in some self-confidence-boosting activities. Maintain a productive and healthy routine, engage in additional social activities, and make plans to see your friends. You can also ask your husband to invite his friends to your home for a get-together. This is a way you all can interact with each other and it reduces the chances of insecurity. Seek the help of a professional if you still feel stuck or troubled. A professional will help both of you to understand each other’s point of view and come out of this problem happily.
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