Has it ever happened to you that you have met a cute guy or girl and you have just started dating them? You are quite excited about the possibilities in your new relationship and look forward to talking to or meeting your crush. There are days when they are too eager to respond to your text messages, call and speak to you, or meet you, but then there are periods in between when your new crush or partner is just MIA (missing in action).

While we do agree that the digital era has made one too accessible and people expect instant responses always– so missing out on responding on time, when genuinely busy, should not make one panic or suspicious about the relationship too quickly. However, if your crush or partner’s behaviour often seems hot and cold for no apparent reason, then you might be experiencing a classic case of being breadcrumbed!
But what is

breadcrumbing

and why do people do it? Moreover, what should your next course of action be if you are being breadcrumbed by someone? To know more about this

modern dating term

, keep reading on.

What is breadcrumbing in relationships?

Breadcrumbs are tiny particles or leftover pieces of bread; just like them when a person gives little attention, time and affection to someone to keep them interested without truly committing or taking the relationship forward– it is called breadcrumbing. The term is derived from the idea of leaving a trail of breadcrumbs behind.

By using this

manipulative behaviour

, a person strings along with their partner by providing inconsistent communication– often through texts, social media or occasional meetings– just to keep them interested enough to not move on to another relationship. However, they never fully invest in their time or emotions in the relationship or make a clear commitment. This in turn leaves the recipient of these breadcrumbs confused and insecure. They are often left questioning about their relationship status and emotionally drained as they keep waiting for more meaningful engagement from their love interest.

Why do people breadcrumb others?

Breadcrumbing is a type of

emotional manipulation

, where the person who is breadcrumbing gets the power to control the relationship. This, in turn, boosts their ego. Also, not committing to the relationship helps them keep their options open in the dating world. Overall, this manipulative behaviour creates a power imbalance in the relationship– giving the person who is breadrumbing all the power, while the receiver of this behaviour is left emotionally drained and powerless.
To save yourself from an emotional roller-coaster ride which ultimately results in a doomed relationship, it is important to know the classic

signs of breadcrumbing

.
Signs of breadcrumbing to look out for

1.

Inconsistent communication

in the form of messages, meetings or calls, often without any particular reason or predictability. Being occupied with work or family at times is understandable, but disappearing without giving any reason or explanation often is a clear red flag.
2. Vague plans like meeting up or doing something together but never setting a firm date or following through with a concrete plan is a dating red flag in relationships.
3. Breadcrumbers are often flirty but also non-committal at the same time. When asked about the relationship status or where is it going, they often divert the question and try to charm you over again.

4. Hot and cold behaviour is a classic sign of breadcrumbing. It includes being too attentive and loving at one moment, and then suddenly being distant or neglecting you. This leaves you confused about their true intentions.
5. Minimal effort to make the relationship grow is another sign of breadcrumbing.
6. Keeping the relationship hidden from others or not posting pictures together on social media, while behaving as if they are your partner is another sign to watch out for.
7. Avoiding any personal topics about the relationship or your future plans together is a sign that shows that your partner isn’t sure about your relationship.
What to do if you are being breadcrumbed?
If your partner is breadcrumbing you, here are some steps you can take for your own emotional well-being:
1. Recognise the signs and patterns of inconsistent communication, vague plans, and non-committal behaviour. Trust your gut-feeling if something feels off in your relationship.
2. Reflect on how your partner’s behaviour affects you. Breadcrumbing can make one feel confused, insecure, and emotionally drained. If you feel the same about your partner or relationship, then you are being breadcrumbed. Accept your feelings and emotions and take the next step, which is setting clear boundaries.

3. Be clear and communicate your expectations from the relationship with your partner. Let them know that you value consistent and genuine connections, and their infrequent affection or non-committal behaviour is not acceptable.
4. Even after confronting them, if your partner continues to breadcrumb you then maybe it is time for you to prioritise and love yourself, and move on from the relationship. Remember, no one is too busy to not spare even 10 minutes from their routine for a person they claim to love.

5. Being a victim of breadcrumbing or breaking-up with someone who breadcrumbed you could leave you emotionally drained. And so, prioritise self-care by meditating, or focusing on yourself and your hobbies, and spending quality time with friends and family who genuinely love you.
6. Learn from your past mistakes, and limit engagement with people who breadcrumb you. This can help you from being emotionally hurt in the future.

Remember, a healthy relationship is all about clear and consistent communication, love, affection and empathy. A person who genuinely loves you would not keep you in the dark or emotionally manipulate you.

Stephen Chbosky

rightly said, “We accept the love we think we deserve”, and so in order to find genuine love one needs to first learn to love themselves truly.